Challenge: Accepted

Dirtbag Friends, today I received the strangest email. Rather than try to explain it to you, I have copied it over.

To: dirtbagfitness@hotmail.com
From: larmstrong@yellowbracelet.org
Re: It's On

Mr. Dirtbag,
I have been tracking your progress closely and I see that you are finally ready. I thought this day would be years coming, but you seem to have quite a talent. A talent, I am afraid, I must now crush, along with your spirit. Prepare to be destroyed, Mr. Dirtbag. I am going to break you like Ivan Drago broke that old guy from The Expendables. You don't stand a chance. I look forward to June 2, when I shall dance on the ashes of your dreams. 
Prepare yourself, Mr. Dirtbag. Prepare and weep.
-L. Armstrong

Dirtbag friends, I must admit that at first I had no idea what was going on or who this Mr. Larmstrong was. Then I was forwarded this link twice independently, once by Brother Diesel and once by Brother Tri Cook. Wait, Mr. Larmstrong is actually Lance Armstrong? Seven time Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong? Senior Yellow Jersey himself? And he is calling me out? Who does this guy think he is? Obviously, he is getting delusional in his old age and he knows that in order to truly perform he needs a real challenge. Hence, the above email.
Well, Dirtbag friends, I can not and will not take something like this. I see a war of many words between now and Judgement Day. But to correctly respond to something of this magnitude a simple typed response won't do. No, there is only one possible way to respond to such a heinous and grievous assault:
Cut a WWE-style Dirtbag Promo.