Sharon's Ride/Run/Walk for Epilepsy Ride Report

Ride Report
time- 4:07
distance- 62.8mi

This morning was the 10th Annual Epilepsy Foundation of Hawaii Sharon's Ride/Run/Walk. This event has the distinction of having a name nearly as long as its course, rivaled only by the Jim Bob and Cooter's Meander Through The Swamp Lookin' For The Beers We Stashed Somewheres 'Round Here Last Week 5k. Sharon's Ride, though, is for a much nobler cause:

Sharon's Ride is a unique memorial to Sharon Rosenfeld, a nurse and teacher who cared deeply about epilepsy and epilepsy patients who was killed during a cross country bicycle ride in 1993. Sharon's Ride Run Walk for Epilepsy was started in 1996 in St. Louis, Missouri by Dr. William Rosenfeld and Dr. Susan Lippmann, neurologists who specialize in epilepsy and who created the event to honor the memory of Dr. Rosenfeld's sister.

Today was the first ride of this type I haven't done alone. Of course, that isn't saying much because the only other ride of this type I've ever done is the Honolulu Century, so don't put too much stock in this sentence. It's mostly just a semi-awkward (and getting worse!) introduction into the ride report. We should all probably just move along now.
The Grey and Diesel decided that the ride sounded like fun too so the three of us, plus Super Awesome Wife, met up at Kapiolani Community College at 6:45am for the scheduled 7am start. Super Awesome Wife signed up for the 5k and I hope I can get her to write a short thing about how that went. This ride was different from the Century right from the get-go, in one major good way and one mostly-major negative. Let's make like report card comments and hit the negative first, then finish with the positive.
With over 400 rider, walkers, and runners participating why don't you guess how many Port-a-Johns the event organizers choose to bring out. Guess. Write the number down somewhere and don't let me see it. Dirtbag the Psychic says your number is...TOO HIGH! There were exactly ZERO Port-a-Johns at the start. What the hell, People Who Put This Thing On? Our choice was the public bathroom, which would be fine if there were a few people. But for this many that's a planning faux pas. I have one more issue with them, but we'll talk about it later. But the nice thing about the ride was the kicked-backness of it all. No timing chips, no awards for cyclists, no stress at the start line. The Century was a mosh pit of bodies all slowly streaming towards a start gate, most of whom were too slow to be in the group starting that early. Sharon's was chilled out cool. We lined up near the exit of the parking lot, some dude blew a conch shell, and away we went. My favorite part was listening to the cyclists around me all clip in within a few seconds of each other. Popcorn and whatnot.
The course was an easy out-and-back that pretty much followed the Century course. And for good reason: there is exactly one road on that side of the island which will support this kind of event.

The out was uneventful and easy. We did stop for a nature break pretty quickly due to the above mentioned issue, which led to a small problem for both Diesel and myself. The Port-a-Johns we stopped at were surrounded by mud. Mud which got into our cleats, making clipping back in very difficult. Small kine grumbles (Ohhhh, the white boy busts out some local-ish lingo!). The two toughest climbs of the ride happen inside the first fifteen miles or so, Heartbreak Hill and Makapuu. Nailed 'em. I felt so damn strong on both of those ups, it was great. Heartbreak isn't that long, but its pretty steep and I got my cadence up and went for it. Same with Makapuu. Confidence: Built. Struggled with Makapuu a little coming back and the Grey got me there, but no worries. His age/power graph on the downward slide, mine's just coming up. Watch out!
The whole way out we were hitting some pretty decent headwinds and struggling to get low on the aerobars to make life as easy as possible. And the Grey kept talking about how these were the kinds of winds that follow riders and on the way back they would magically be turned around. He was right. Jerk.
Lani Kai was pretty, as always, and it was nice to take five at the aid station which had been set up there. Got to see Kepa, the Tri-N-Hawaiian, and chat for a while. Always cool to see fellow bloggers out at events. We both agreed Tri Cook should have bandited the ride (not that I would ever advocate stealing...which I guess that would technically be, not that anyone would have known if he threw on an old race number).
After an abrupt turn-around, seriously, the 100km turn was a U-turn sign in the middle of a seemingly random intersection, we headed back. Into some damned big time headwind. For which I blame the Grey. He got his. Diesel and I got into a groove of sorts and started grinding away, fighting our way down the coast. We assumed the Grey was right behind us. Not so much. The Curse of the Flat strikes again! After repeatedly looking back and no seeing hide nor hair nor bright red jersey and yellow bike Diesel decided a search party was in order. So we got to take small advantage of the now-tailwind for about a mile and a half, get there as the Grey was finishing changing his flat, then re-make our way forward. You heard already how Makapuu went.
From there its a pretty easy finish. The guy at the final aid station wasn't a ton of help. He was out of water but still had a tub of Gatorade. On the ground. Which another cyclist picked up and put on the table. Which is kind of crap, Chris. Up the easy side of Heartbreak, which I remember being much harder at the end of 100 miles, then past Hawaii Kai and to the Community College where Super Awesome Wife and a free lunch awaited. And some water and juice and root beer floats. But not very many of the Sharon's Ride/Run/Walk-looking people. Super Awesome Wife said that after the 5 and 10ks were done they did the drawings and then packed up and went home. So the runners and walkers got some love as they crossed the line and we got some dude in the shade waving us towards out fried chicked, macaroni and cheese, and ummm, I think it was coleslaw. Even after a long ride it wasn't good enough to eat, and I'll eat damn near anything after four hours on a bike.

I know it looks like the Grey is beating me, but that's only an optical illusion caused by perspective

Up that last little hill I come

I don't want those final impressions to leave you with the idea I didn't enjoy myself or that it wasn't a great ride. I did and it was. I had a ton of fun. Beautiful day, friends, clear roads, can't complain. Except for the little bit I just did. Much thanks to the Dirtbag Official Sponsor, Background Profiles, for helping make signing up for nice days out like this possible.

Diesel, Dirtbag, the Grey (OR Clarkson, Hammond, May)

Super Awesome 5k

On Stubbing Toes and Rolling Ankles

Run Day
distance- 5.03mi
time-1:15

I have heard that the Grey is among the clumsiest trail runners I will ever meet. It seems that I took that as a challenge. I met with the boys yesterday after school for a nice run around the Scout Camp trails of Pupukea. Run, as it turns out, would be overstating a lot of it. I did quite a bit of walking. Let's just say there was much huffing and puffing involved. After all, this is not what anyone would call level. It's more what you would call a whole buncha up and down and up again. Not that I'm complaining, trails and elevation changes induce high DSQ levels , which will eventually induce greater Dirtbag Power, which will then allow for pushing to even greater DSQ levels. It's kind of a sick cycle when you think about it.
To make things interesting, I did try to roll an ankle once. It's fine, but I needed to walk it off and didn't enjoy the split second of watching two weeks of training disappear because of a small misstep. Still a little rightness back there as I sit here, but no pain. I also stubbed the crap out of my pinkie toe. Again. I blame both of these things on my Vibram TrekSports, but one in a good way and one in a painful way. I know for a fact the ankle roll would have been worse had I been wearing normal running shoes. In college I was El Ankle Rollo. But since I started wearing the toe shoes I've come close a few times, but never had a real sprain. The true spread of the foot prevents serious rolls. (Message from Fictional Time Traveling Future Dirtbag- Great, dumbass. Since you typed that sentence we've rolled each ankle nine times. Thanks a lot. Jerk.) But the toe sockets also don't offer much (read: any) protection from roots that jump up in front of the pinkie toe. Gotta get my feet up. There was also some stomach issues right at the end that I had to walk off. So it goes, I'm actively working on finding a solution to that.

I'm not taking a break, I'm taking a picture of the trail

Military convoy passed us on the road back

My what a big gun you have.

It was great to get a run in with Diesel and the Grey, but I feel like I'm holding them back even more on runs than on rides. They never complain and like to joke around (the Grey- "This was good, I needed a recovery run." Me-*gasp huff puff* "Suck it.") but as crazy nutbar ultra-runners five miles through the jungle isn't really what one might call strenuous. I'll get there, and I appreciate the help.
Please don't forget the Ask Super Awesome Wife Q&A post. Go there, ask her anything about anything (seriously, the Google-Fu is strong with her) and she is going to write a response post next week some time.

I Done Been Tagged (Plus Shit Triathlete's Say)

Kepa the Tri-N-Hawaiian tagged me in some kind of post and if I don't participate then Bloody Mary is going to come through my bathroom mirror or the ghost of my brother's cousin's boyfriend's former roomate is going to haunt my sister or I'll get called for jury duty or something. So I'm playing along. Except for the tag 11 more people. I might tag one or two, but I feel like the whole internet except me has done this by now. I'm the last Pokemon.
ANYWAY, Here are the rules

Post these rules
You must post 11 random things about yourself
Answer the questions set for you in their post
Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer
Go to their blog and tell them you’ve tagged them
No stuff in the tagging section about you are tagged if you are reading this. You legitimately have to tag 11 people!

11 questions for me to answer...

1. Do you keep a training log? I keep an overly detailed training blog.
2. Do you think videos of guys getting hit in their privates are funny? As long as Bob Sagat isn't involved in some way and Daniel Tosh is.
3. Train/Race - socks or no socks? Train- socks, race triathlon- no socks, race non-triathlon- socks.
4. What is your favorite movie? This is Spinal Tap or Monty Python and the Holy Grail
5. Do you listen to music while you train? Sometimes when I'm running, but normally I want to hear the car that hits me.
6. Heel striker or mid/forefoot? Mid/fore foot.
7. How many pairs of running shoes do you own? I am a Vibram whore. I own two pairs of Bikilas and a pair of TrekSports for trail running/hiking.
8. What is your favorite color? Isn't it weird that adults still have a favorite color? I like green.
9. Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, Other... Don't Care? Liberal. Couldn't be more liberal. Which puts my on the Democratic side of pretty much everything.
10. At what training distance do you decide to carry your own hydration? I always bring water on the bike, and if I'm going to be out for at least an hour on a run.
11. Do you wear your workout clothes more than once before washing them? Yes, laundry money doesn't grow on trees. but I rinse them in the sink after workouts and before hanging them to dry.

Random Things
1) I was a cheerleader in college, where I learned a standing back tuck (which I probably can't still do at the moment).
2) I don't drink and never have and for a long time was really militant in my attitude towards people who did. I've softened somewhat.
3) I have the rough drafts of two novels saved on my computer, waiting to be edited and fixed again before I take a stab at e-pub-ing them on smashwords or somewhere similar.
4) I can't walk by a reflective surface without looking at myself. Narcissus had nothing on me.
5) Children are better than adults because when a child acts stupid and ignorant, it's because they are a child. When an adult acts stupid and ignorant it's because they are.
6) I judge my Facebook friends based on their grammar, spelling, and punctuation in posts.
7) I'm an atheist.
8) Before I met my wife I was 100% sure I was never going to get married.
9) If I could, I would be a rock star. In my car I am one. Even when I'm not alone. Much to the chagrin of my wife.
10) I talk to my motorcycle. A lot. Even when it's sitting in the driveway and I'm walking by it I pat her, just to remind her that I love her. Her name is Ms. Riley, after the teacher in Rocket Boys who inspires Homer Hickham to pursue his dream.
11) The best concert I've ever been to was Paul McCartney. Rounding out the Top 5, but in no particular order, would be "Weird" Al Yankovic, Aerosmith on the Nine Lives tour, The Real Steel tour with Static X, Slayer, and Pantera, and every Black Dawn/Sole Survivor/ Thirteenth Hour show I ever saw (because those guys are my best friends and it's so cool to watch your friends kicking ass on stage)

Questions for Other People to Answer
1) What CD/MP3 is spinning in your car/iPod right now?
2) What is the best book you've ever read?
3) Have you ever accidentally sent a wildly inappropriate text to the wrong person?
4) John Stewart or Stephen Colbert?
5) Do "the good old days" really exist or is today just as good and bad as the past was?
6) Bigger fear- escaping a fire or public speaking off the cuff to a crowd of strangers?
7) What is one country you wish you could visit?
8) David Lee Roth Van Halen or Sammy Hagar Van Halen?
9) Do you consider yourself an above average dancer?
10) If you could live in a decade other than this one, which would it be? (You are allowed to change location)
11) Choosing only one member from existing or previously existing bands, create the perfect four or five piece band (six if you need a keyboard player). They can only do one thing in the band (example- Paul McCartney can sing OR play bass, but not both.) You may not pick Hendrix or a fictional musician (Animal from the Muppets, Nigel Tuffnel from Spinal Tap, etc).

I'm tagging anyone reading this who wants to play and hasn't yet. I know that's a cop-out, I don't care. I'm pretty sure that's only Mr. Fit Life, and Jason. If you don't have a blog but want to play, do so in the comments section.

And now for today's funny video. I think this guy follows my blog. And if not he can to pick up some good swim sets.

The Whiff of Potential

Swim
1 x 200- Warm-up
1 x 500- 7:28
1 x 50- easy
3 x 200- 100-5, 7, 9/ 100- fingertip drag
1 x 50- easy
1 x 500- 7:17
1 x 100- Cool down
total- 2000yd

Ride
2 Scoops Pineapple Hill
time- approx 2:15*
distance- approx 35mi*
* stoopid watch battery died halfway up the second lap

Strong day today in Dirtbag Fitness World. I needed a day like this. My swim, while not all that long, left me feeling good about swimming for the first time in a few weeks. Every session recently had been off. I've been a swimmer for long enough to know stuff like that happens and the only way to fix it is to suffer through and wait for the body to catch the expectations. I'm almost there. The set design was pretty simple. Throw down a strong 500. Do a drill set. Try to best the first 500. Did it, check. By 10 seconds too, which is big time as anyone who swims knows. I know I did better the second time because a 200 warm-up isn't really all that much, especially at oh-dark hundred in a cool pool. By the time I got to 500 number two the muscles were stretched and ready to pound. My biggest goal for both 500s was to stay present in them and not lose focus. The more I do this, the shorter the distance gets, the easier it will be to stack sets like this. I can smell the potential for a sub-30 minute Honu swim from here.
And today's ride was one I've been thinking about for months. I knew there would come a time when Pineapple Hill repeats were going to happen. And, to be frank, I was pretty nervous about it. Sometimes that damn hill seems awfully long. But, much like the 500s, repeated exposure has shortened and flattened it a bit. I felt strong, friends, and tried my damnedest to attack each section of the climb. Goals were to pump, stay present, and try like hell to avoid the lightest gear. Mission accomplishedish. There are a few points where the granny gear is still my friend, but I stayed away. In all honesty, the ride wasn't as difficult as I thought it was going to be. I don't know if that means I wasn't suffering as much as I should have been or if it means I'm dogging it when I'm doing Pineapple

Like this but, you know, for real

on long rides. Or maybe today was the breakthrough I've been waiting for and my body has found that
next gear and my mind has recognized the gear's existence as well. Or maybe all this talk about how strong I felt over two laps of Pineapple will just lead to the Grey and Diesel taunting me next time I find myself getting dropped like a burning baby.* Either way, now I know, or I think I know, that I can attack Pineapple better than I have been. Which really means I see three scoops Pineapple in the future.
Don't forget to submit your questions for my first Ask the Super Awesome Wife blog. I'm probably going to be as amused and surprised as you are.

*No, I have no idea where this metaphor came from.

Ask the Super Awesome Wife

*Full Disclosure: I am completely ripping off the Maple Grove Barefoot Guy with this, but I really like the idea and I give him full credit. Wouldn't want to anger a local barefoot superhero.*

Ladies and gentlemen, Dirtbag friends and followers, have I got a treat for you! Now is your chance to ask the Super Awesome Wife of your favorite Dirtbag any questions you like, and she has promised to answer all of them*. You can ask her anything you want about herself and about the care and feeding of the Dirtbag triathlete himself.
Some background about Super Awesome Wife to help you get started. She spent 2 1/2 years in the Army before getting a medical discharge. She just finished school and got a job teaching Pre-K (read: 3-4 year olds) Special Education. She thinks that squished pennies are the best souvenir a person could possibly get for themselves somewhere and has developed a system and rules to govern the selection and creation of said squished pennies. While not as active as myself she has completed the Great Aloha run and the Dash portion of a Splash and Dash biathlon relay as a walker. She is also signed up for a 5k this weekend, and another next weekend. The latter is part of a Women's Fitness Series which will include a 10k and half marathon. Most importantly in the Team Dirtbag context, she is the Official Dirtbag Fitness Nutritionist, Photographer, and Cheer Leader. I would totally ask her about food, she is an awesome cook. And I don't just say that because I would starve and die without her at this point.

Please post the questions in the comments section of this post and in a week or so I'll turn it over to her and let her make fun of me for 500+ words. Have fun and be creative. I'm as interested to find out what I'm going to learn as you are.
**Edit: Here is the post with her answers**

*or as many as she feels like before she gets tired of it

Inhale Exhale

Swim
1 x 200- Warm-up
5 x 100- 1:30
2 x 300
3 x 50- sideline kick
1 x 500- odd-easy/even-hard
1 x 100- Cool down
total- 2050yd


Run
time- 1:00
distance- 6.14mi

What is this post about? What is all this training about? This:


Inhale Exhale
By: Rollins Band
Off: Come In And Burn

Inhale resolve, Exhale ambition
Inhale all I need, Exhale all I want
Inhale love of life, Exhale fear of death
Inhale power, Exhale force
I have all I need
I can live without
I have what I need
I can live without

Inhale tolerance, Exhale judgement
Inhale what I am, Exhale what I think I am

I have all I need
I can live without
I have all I need
I can live without

Don't hold me down
Don't hold me down
Don't hold me down

Inhale fact, Exhale assumption
Inhale what I want to be, Exhale how I want to be seen

Don't hold me down
Don't hold me down
Don't hold me down

I have all I need
I can live without
I have what I need
I can live without
I have all I need
I can live without
I have all I need
I can live without
I can live without
I can live without
I can live without

In Praise of Walking

Bike Day (Saturday)
time- 4:27
distance- 57.3

Run Day (Sunday)
time- 1:14
distance- 7.14mi

The Dirtbag Ego, friends, is a wild and massive beast. It can not be tamed, only momentarily subdued. But it is not a mindless animal. It can learn. Not as well as Caeser, but it can. And this weekend it learned something which I think will come in very handy as training progresses.

Smarter than the Dirtbag Ego

 But first, the ride. The ride this weekend was a semi-repeat of my ride a year ago at this time. A friend in town has a son, and he has birthdays, as many of us do. Super Awesome Wife and I were invited and since there would be food and Star Wars jokes we agreed to go. The party started around one. I left the house just after 9 and met up with Dirtbag the Grey. We struck out north, to Pupukea and got some climbing in. Then turned around and hit Pineapple. We passed Diesel heading up Pineapple on our way out. And we met him at the top on out way back. Dude did five laps of that freaking hill. Myself, I had a better climb on both hills, hanging tighter with the Grey. Though about halfway up Pineapple a shiny thought bubble distracted me and I kind of fell asleep for the next quarter of the climb. You know how it is, one minute you're sweating your way up a hill, struggling to keep a good cadence, and the next you're being interviewed on the Daily Show about your new book and Jon Stewart is laughing at all your jokes. That does happen to everyone, right?
Anyway, after the climb and meeting up with Diesel for a few minutes he and the Grey went their way and I went mine, down into town and on to base. I should note that the ride time is a little deceptive because I blew a patched tube early in the ride and had to switch that out, we stopped and talked on the top of Pineapple, and I stopped at a gas station for a bottle of Powerade a while later. There, the Dirtbag Ego feels a little better about the 4:27.
But my real Ego lesson was during the run. I didn't wake up early, and I was in no hurry to get out the door. It's not that I was being lazy, I just didn't feel like rushing. It was Sunday, damnit. Plus, I wanted to catch the Patriots/Ravens kickoff. The result of leaving a little later means I was running when the sun was up rather than when it was barely rising, and this makes a difference. It felt hot. My stupid phone tried to tell me it was only 70*, but I think it was lying. Had to be hotter. Had to be. Anyway, I was feeling strong but kind of slow the whole way out, but nearing the turn around point I really started dragging ass. And I made a choice: I'm going to turn around, and I'm going to walk for a few minutes. This is a major step for the Dirtbag Ego. Walking is the antithesis of running to the Dirtbag Ego. "We do not walk," it says, "We run! Even when we are really staggering, we run!" But I wanted to walk. It was hot, my legs were getting tight, walking would help. So I told that guy to shut up and walked for a few minutes.  I even stopped and took a picture.

What a great idea! When I started running again my legs felt fresh(er) and strong(er). My headspace had reset to a more positive setting. The breeze was cooler. Birds were chirping. The sent of pineapple was strong in the air. And most of the run back was quite nice. The quads tightened up pretty good during the final mile, but that's to be expected. This was pretty much the heaviest training weekend I've ever had. And it's still early in the cycle!
To review: walking is good! It doesn't mean I'm a big jar of weak sauce. Know why I should have known this before Sunday? We walk during trail runs all the time! Sometimes because we're tired, but sometimes because steep sucks or because mud = silly runners slip and fall. This break-through should take some of the Tough Guy Grrr pressure off and help me relax into my training, especially when it comes to running.
Ride Map

Run Map

Will I Stink At School?

Ride Day

am
time- 30:26
distance- 8.66 (+approx. 2mi)
pm
time- 1:45
distance- 20.1mi

Yesterday was an experiment. Super Awesome Wife's car broke down Wednesday, preempting a run workout in favor of being up to my elbows in her engine not fixing anything. So Thursday I decided to ride my bicycle to school. After school there was a vote so I could vote against the horrible contract my union and the state tried to foist upon us, and the vote was on top of a hill I thought would be good to ride. And then I would meet Super Awesome Wife at Starbucks where her knitting group meets (don't judge me), and the Starbucks is at the base of another decent climb. Ride to school. Ride to vote in protest. Ride to knitting. Insert climbs here.

Slingback. Come on, Niners!

Not to jinx it, but it went off without a hitch, or at least a very little hitch. I left my house at first light, figuring it would take me around 40 minutes to get all the way to school (10 miles). First light is right about 7am. School starts at 7:45. Yes, I know I'm cutting it close but that's the best I could do. I'm not riding in the dark. The roads were clear enough, the weather was nice. Cool, but riding with a backpack warmed me up right quick. Never ridden with a backpack before. I love my pack, it's a slingback backpack, and it works great for walking around. But on the bike the cross-chest strap means that when I straighten up it goes from a backpack to a kangaroo pouch, with my clothes as a joey. Not great. And then I spend the next 200 yards trying to swing the damn thing back onto my back, looking like a complete spazz I'm sure, elbows flying and shoulders twisting. Also not good. So if I'm going to do this again I'm going to need a better riding pack. Other than that I got to school fine and with time to spare. Quick paper towel shower in the teacher's restroom, change into teacher clothes, and I'm in the classroom. Didn't even need coffee.
After school I hit the road for Pearl City High School. It's at the top of a hill I've been up on my motorcycle many times. In my head this was going to be a heavy duty climb, good work, high DSQ. In my head this was freaking steepness. In reality, not so much. There were steep parts, but none of them lasted that long and none of them were that bad. Enter a mix between disappointed (awww, I wanted to work more) and proud (yeah, I totally smoked that, booyah). I was going to head to the bottom and do it again after voting no (I wasn't the only one. We voted no 67% to 33%. Suck it, Hawaii. Now come back with a real contract), but on the way to the bottom I realized it's pretty busy down there. Too busy to be comfortable turning around. So instead I changed plans and was off to Starbucks and Kaahumanu street. I lived halfway up Kaahumanu for about three months, until I realized my roommate was a psychoassholedouchenozzle, so I was familiar with the road and was wondering if my memory of this steepness was also skewed. It was, but not as bad as the other. My elevation chart says that it's 600ft of climbing in two miles, which I guess is good stuff. But when I got to the top I wasn't too burnt so I decided to turn around, head to the bottom, and do it again. Took me longer the second time, hurt more, was harder to spin out of the granny gear, but still wasn't really awful. It helped to know that it was only two miles. Part of the Dirtbag Riding Philosophy is- To get stronger, head up, so that's what I try to do.
So it was a good experiment. Next time I want to ride to school I think I'll plan ahead better and leave a change of clothes in my classroom the day before.
Home to school

School to PCHS to Starbucks

One Of Those Days (OR Wherein I Do a 9 Minute 500 And Fall Off My Trainer)

Swim Day

1 x 200- Warm-up

5 x 100- 1, 2, 3, Swim
5 x 200- 3:00
1 x 500- 9:00

Bike Day- Trainer
3 x 15min w/ 5min rest

Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day workout-wise. And I wish I could move to Australia.
This morning's swim started out alright. I had planned for the 5 x 100 set to be a breath drill (5, 7, 9) but at the last minute decided I could use some practice getting a feel for the water so I switched it up. Good call, that. And the 200s set went rather well too, up until the last one. I can't understand why I'm not making all of these on the 3:00. I should be. And then the 500 happened. I must have floated away. I was nowhere near my head. This 500 was the walking version of swimming. 9:00. 9:00! Nine Freaking Minutes! What the hell was I doing, stopping for a snack each lap? Did I take a nap? Whatever.
And the weather is less than stellar (read: raining canines and felines) so it was another trainer session for the Dirtbag. I loaded the bike on, tightened everything down, through of the Big 4 dvd again, this time with Anthrax cued up, and got on it. The initial plan was to do 90 minutes.
The initial plan was wrong.
The first set of 5/15/5 went well. DSQ was high, sweat was pouring, muscles were working. Then a mystery happened. Here's what I remember:
At 33:15 I was riding hard, head down, listening to Indians.
At 33:17 I was sideways on my living room floor, still half clipped in, watching my wife's mug shatter as it fell off the giant Tupperwear storage thing which doubles as our coffee table.
So I had to get Sherlockian on it (BBC Sherlock, not RDJ Sherlock. Difference? No fistfights and actual, you know, detective work). Let me think...I was there, and now I am here. Hmmmmm....there...here. Oh, a clue! My back tire is no longer locked in to the trainer! Ahhh, I see. I must have wiggled or cranked or something, wrenching the bike off the trainer and, therefor, allowing gravity to be the nasty bitch she is. Elementary, my dear Dirtbag. What the hell? I swear it was all tight and good. There was no lateral movement.
So, like any hardcore Dirtbag would do, I cleaned up my mess, set the bike back up, cranked that bad boy down tight as a *inappropriate joke about a nun here*, and got back to it.
Sort of.
You see, now I feel like I'm listing slightly right all the time. So much time is spent thinking, "Am I leaning again? I think I'm leaning. No, it's ok. Waitaminute! No, no I'm fine." Every single subtle shift became a precursor to The Fall 2: The Sequel. So I cut my ride 30 minutes short. And initially I felt fine. No injuries. But in the shower I discovered small lacerations on the back of my calves from the teeth of my big ring. Thank you for pointing that out, jets of hot water. I owe you. And, as I sit here, my right knee feels a little sore. Some overreacting, hypochondriatic ice may be in order after dinner.

Oh yeah, one more thing: When I fell, I landed on my laptop which was also on top of the giant Tupperwear-cum-coffee table. And I cracked the crap out of the screen with the most powerful move in sports entertainment, The People's Elbow.

So at least it was old and we wanted a new one eventually anyway, right?