Monday, December 5, 2011

Don't Yell Near a Naked Man

Swim Day

1 x 150- Warm-up
3 x 500- 8:00

 Friday I went straight from school to the gym for my swim. I was giving two lessons that afternoon and wanted to get a workout in myself before I started. I don't know how it is at your gyms, but the 24 Hour Fitness locker room is pretty nice. Plenty of space, TVs playing ESPN or Fox Sports constantly, all the good stuff. 
When I got in to change there was one other dude in the section I was in. He looked like he was ready to work out but was sitting on the bench fiddling with his iPod so I ignored him. Rule #1 of the Men's Locker Room: You don't talk or make more than passing eye contact. It's like the Men's Room. Eye line high, get in, get it done, get out. I start to change. And right when I'm naked, literally between boxers and swim trunks, this dude looks up and shouts, "HERE IT COMES!!!" 
To be clear- I could not be more naked at this moment. I'm in profile to this guy reaching into the locker to grab my suit. And he's shouting what now?
I froze. What the hell!?! I glance over at him and he's not looking at me, but up at the TV where the Ducks/Bruins game is about to begin. And he keeps talking excitedly and loudly. To me? To the TV? To no one? I don't know. But he's awfully pumped about this game and is going on and on about it. For myself, I'm not too proud to say I jumped into that swin suit as quick as possible. Of course, as always happens when one tries to dive feet-first into lycra, my feet got all tangled up in the suit and it took me twice as long as normal, pretending not to struggle and curse under my breath as brother continues to go on about HOW BIG THIS IS. And then my stupid lock doesn't lock right away because Hawaii makes things rust and today is the day it chooses to stick on me and I'm cool, I'm cool, it's alright, but what the hell, dude? 
Was I wrong to be rattled? No. It wasn't a gay thing. And it wasn't a confidence thing. (Trust me, you don't know anymore with a higher level of body confidence than me. If there is a level above narcissism, it should be named Dirtbagism. When I become All High Grand Emperor of Earth and Beyond I shall decree it so.) It's simple- You do not yell at a naked man. I repeat- You Do Not Yell At a Naked Man.
I heroically shook it off and had a good, if short, swim. Not too fast but that's not where I'm at right now. And both lessons went well too. I'm looking forward to the growth the triathletes I'm working with will be showing soon. They are going to be shocked when their strokes really start coming together. Right now there's still a lot of, "Are you sure? This feels weird/hard/different." But swimming takes a long time to get right. Lots of laps, then more laps, then even more laps. But the returns are going to be awesome.


  1. Dude, you were definitely not wrong to be rattled. Actually, not only should someone not yell at a naked man, but they shouldn't even yell AROUND a naked man. Its just not right!!!

    You know what I hate? I hate it when it a guy is naked and leaning against the sink while shaving. Yes, I have seen that at the "Y" when I was a member there in the past. He was tall enough so his boys were resting on the sink!

  2. Oh, I just reread your title... yes, he should not yell NEAR a naked man!

  3. I cannot stop laughing at this story, I'm so sorry that happened to you! Glad your lessons are going well though. Unless they've gone through stroke changes in the past, it's hard for people to realize how much work goes into it. I changed both my breast stroke and my butterfly at least once during my swim career. Ugh I so miss it...

  4. Would have been totally an "Oh shit" moment if you dropped something, bent over to pick it up and heard "HERE IT COMES!!!"

  5. I would submit that laughing or giggling next to naked man would be worse.

  6. I wrote a post a long while back about some people being way too "comfortable" in the locker room. This isn't exactly the same...but surely that guy should have sensed the awkwardness.

    And the comment above, from Sean, is absolutely correct.