Sunday, November 13, 2011

Lazy Ass Edition (plus Bonus Self-Advertising!!!)

Doug Robertson
I'm Batman...Dirtbag...
It has been a very quiet, unproductive few weeks here at Dirtbag Central. After a rubbish Ko'Olina Anniversary triathlon I was looking forward to having my racing revenge at the final sprint of the season, the North Shore Triathlon, planned for Nov. 6, which would have been my second repeat race. And the day after I sent in my check, because for some reason their online registration wasn't working so I had to result to something so Stone Age as the mail and an actual check, I got an email from an address I'd been emailing for three weeks for information on the race which had never gotten back to me telling me the race was canceled and had been for a month, but no one knew because they never updated either webpage with information about the race. (I apologize for the run-on-edness of the previous sentence. I've been watching a lot of Zero Punctuation in my non-training free time and it may have rubbed off. It might work better if you read it at warp speed in an Australian accent. No? Well, that's why Yahtzee gets paid for what he does and I don't. Anyway...) Needless to say, without a race to train for I became lazy and unmotivated. But I felt justified in it because frankly I've been busting my ass for most of the last 365 and wanted some time off. So I took it, mostly guilt-free. I've barely ridden and haven't even looked at my Bikilas except to wonder how they got from the living room to the closet (thanks, honey.).
Though I have been to the pool a few times. Not to workout, mind, but because I've accidentally become Dirtbag Stroke Doctor D.S.S. (Doctor of Swimming Strokes). My good friend and training partner who whoops my ass, Sean, recommended me to his wife as just the person she might need to help get her stroke together, since she isn't terribly happy with it and wants to make the cut-off for the Honu this year(fyi- the course is 1.2mi and they stop you if you're not out of the water after 75 minutes). So we met and I started helping her. She's happy with how the first lesson went and so is Sean, so he started telling other friends about my services (I'm working with another of his friends now, an ultra-runner) and now I'm telling you. Dirtbag Stroke Doctor D.S.S. is here for you, be you a triathlete or someone just wanting to get into shape, if you're on Oahu and you want someone to take your stroke apart and put it together mended, faster, and smoother, and at a much lower price than most Masters programs AND in a one-on-one setting then I'm your Dirtbag. Comment or email me and let's set something up.
Back to my laziness.
So I was unmotivated, tired, and school was hitting it hard with Parent/Teacher Conferences happening. By the way, and this is for the dads out there, Mom always goes to PTC. Always. If only one parent does show up mom is the safe bet. You should find time to go too. As a male teacher, I love seeing fathers involved. Meet the teacher, make small talk, and when he asks you to please please please have your child read aloud to you for fifteen minutes a night because it will be so good for their fluency and comprehension and because then you can ask intelligent questions about what they are reading please do it. Thanks. This has been a message from Mr. Robertson, the teaching alter-ego of your favorite Dirtbag.
 All of this, plus the release of possibly the best video game I've ever played, Batman: Arkham City, led to me not really working out for a few weeks. And I've finally reached that point where I feel like a lazy lump on the couch. To paraphrase Al Bundy, if I get kidnapped and murdered the police can use my ass-print from the couch to identify the body. So I won't be going back to two-a-days yet, but I will be working on on a regular basis again. I'm stating it here so everyone on the internet can call me out if I don't. But I will, because even though the Honu is over half a year away and the start of my serious training for it is two months away, I am scared to death of the thought of starting big Half Ironman training from a crappy lazy-on-the-couch-watching-football-and-playing-video-games base.


  1. Don't worry you can still play video games and train for a 1/2 Ironman. That's why they built bike trainers.

  2. OK. We're riding next weekend. HILLS! No, it's not optional. (It's because I care.)

  3. doug, i think you may have found a great "second" job as a swim coach. in fact, i may have to get a few sessions from you some day.

    also... i agree with you 100%. i am in the camp of having dad be an active part of his child's life. i think that is what has been sorely missing these days.

  4. Tri Cook- BatBike trainer! Yes.
    Sean- Bring it on! (I regret typing that already)
    Kepa- I'd love to help. We should set something up.